© By Swampetta (SWAMPETTA@aol.com)
This is a fairly quick meal and it is useful for those who have to be careful about calories and cost. It is also Low-Carb, which never used to be important but it sure is now!
First you need to find a pot. It's nice if it's clean and doesn't leak but not that important to the recipe.
If you can't find a pot, go to a neighbors house and beg the loan of one. Your neighbor is one of those people who always have more than they need of everything.
She likes to rub it in so she will be more than thrilled to lend you a pot, thereby proving that she has more than you do.
Fill the pot with water. If you don't have any water because the water company charges more than you can afford to pay, you can either wait for a rain storm and put it to catch the leaks in the roof---or--- you can head down to the crick and try to get it filled that way. If you happen to see some frogs or bugs, take them too. It will improve the flavor.
On your way back from the crick, keep an eye out for some wild onions. They are really good in this recipe especially if you have a few frogs. Lacking the onions,
grab a few handfuls of grass and weeds. Full of vitamins and good roughage too!
Now you need a fire. The gas and electric companies also have issues with your credit history so stack up some of the paper from those unpaid bills, make some kindling out of the wooden clothespins that you can find all over your neighbors back yard. She doesn't need them because she bought a dryer! (Show-Off that she is.)
Put the pot on the fire to simmer. Keep on eye on it in case you did find some frogs and they try to escape. While it's simmering, get yourself some medium sized rocks. Any kind will do, don't get all fussy now! Don't wash them off first because the dirt will impart a nice brown, beef-y look to the soup. Can't find any rocks in your yard? Hhhmmm.
Go to your neighbor's front yard where she has that little flower garden planted with the fancy rock border.
If any are blooming, take a few pansies and petunias and some begonias. They will add a beautiful spicy look to the soup.
Throw the rocks into the simmering stock in the pot. Any minute now, your neighbor will come over asking what the hell you are doing pulling up her garden flowers and stealing the rocks.
Tell her how you are making rock soup because you spent all your money in Atlantic City when you went on the Senior Citizens Annual Weekly Bus Trip.
She will feel sorry for you and invite you to her house to eat. She will give you extra treats to tide you over. She is thinking, "Wait until I tell my friends in the Ladies Book Club about this! I am now officially a philanthropist!"
Under no circumstances should you tell her you won the jackpot on the slot machine on that trip. Return the rocks but keep the pot. It's worth a couple bucks and you never know when you may run short again.