In the gravy he did slip.
And he landed on his hip.
The turkey flew across the floor
And it slammed against the door.


The relatives rushed in to see
What that awful noise could be?
Turkey parts were all about
And they gave a wicked shout!


Next to a mound of cornbread stuffing,
Lay old granpa, huffing and puffing.
Old big dog showed up and started barking
Next to the carcass he was parking.


The cats came in on silent paws
And grabbed some white meat with their claws.
Granpa sat in a gravy lake
And Granma did a double take!


"You stupid idjut!" she did yell
"That's the dinner gone to hell!"
Aunt Rosie screamed "Call nine one one!
Looks to me like Dear Daddy's done!"


Uncle George mumbled "Why oh why?"
As he picked up a turkey thigh.
Cousin Leo laughed so hard,
He skidded in a spot of lard!


Relatives crowded in the kitchen,
Granpa moaning and Granma pitching.
You won't see this on "Martha Stewart Living"
But this is just our usual thanksgiving.



© By Swampetta (SWAMPETTA@aol.com)





As I took the turkey out of the oven, I slipped, fell and the big old stuffed thanksgiving turkey does splat on the floor. Both dogs and the cats rush in. Instead of fighting the other dog and cats, Cowboy stood his ground, four legs squarely perched on top of the turkey. He has a snarl like no other, and I knew I was done for. That turkey wouldn't be served on this Thanksgiving Day. Fortunately there had been a sale on hamburger meat and I had bought ten pounds. Also fortunately it had not been drawn and frozen! First, I opened a box of crackers, arranged them prettily on a handsome blue "collection" plate. In the center was a crystal bowl of sour cream I had planned for another recipe. spiked with a little orange marnier and a lot of Jack Daniels. Through the swinging kitchen doors I took the tray and told the guests that dinner would be a little delayed, but worth waiting for. So? There was a little grumbling, but they started "dippin'." Quickly turning to the kitchen I got out a box of waxed paper, and wadded it up in a big ball in the middle and two sort of lemon size balls for the wings on each side. Next I slapped the hamburger meat over them in somewhat the shape of a turkey. Into the microwave they went for about 15 minutes more or less (this is my story, isn't it?). Then I took the "turkey" out, slipped it on a platter. Of course it wasn't browned! What to do? Got out that barbecue lighter the old salt used in the summertime to light barbecue coals and browned it like a blow torch. Now, I thought, I have saved the day. Just like one of those Norman Rockwell pictures in Good Housekeeping, I made my grand entry into the dining room. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, dinner is ready. The guests looked at me, "Same batch to ya, guhl! We're just loverly happy, here's a toast!" Everyone was skunk drunk off the dip! I sat down and had a slice of hamburger meat and cranberry sauce, watching fat sleepy animals in the corner.


© By Norma (Twi1ite@sbcglobal.net)




Unexpected Guests


They had expected to eat about one,
Till Mom slid the bird through the oven door.
It smelled great, and appeared to be all done.
Then she dropped the platter, splat, on the floor.


She stood there, aghast, looking at the mess,
Where the turkey had landed upside down.
A streak of grease had drippled on her dress -
Pastel yellow, was now spotted with brown.


The string had broken on the turkey’s rear,
And stuffing exploded everywhere.
Mom yelled a few words children shouldn’t hear,
Throwing herself into a kitchen chair.


She sighed, thinking the turkey was wasted,
But she saw it wasn’t a total loss.
The dog and cat liked the way it tasted,
And soon licked the tile floor to a high gloss.


© By RickMack (Rmrickmack@aol.com)

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