The Vampire signed on to a dating service.
Looking for someone to be his one and only.
The Russian girls just made him nervous,
And he was really getting quite lonely.

The first ten girls didn’t make the cut.
He was starting to feel a little desperate.
Then there was one he saw as open and shut
The Siamese twins who wouldn’t separate.

He was just hanging around the cemetery,
Looking for some ladies undead.
When he spotted a sweetie all solitary,
One look at her and then he said;

“My Darling! Can you hear my heart crying?”
“Will you come have a drinkie with me?”
“I can give you all my love, undying!”
“And a glass of A negative or positive B?”

In his lair they sat on his casket,
He offered her some vintage champagne.
She tossed her chewing gum in a wastebasket,
Said, “It’s good to get out of the rain.”

He thought, “She’s so cute and so cuddly!”
“This is the Queen of Hearts in my deck.”

And when she was guzzling her bubbly,
He zeroed right in on her neck.

She hauled off and smacked him a good shot
He landed face down in the grate!
Screeching, “That’s one thing that I will NOT!”
“No hickeys on the first date!”

© By Swampetta (




Watch these pages for other poems by Swampetta.
In the meantime, click the links below for
poems and stories by our other authors.

Flying Things

Valentine's Day (Texaswishr)

I Love You So


Our Love

The Valentine

And She Cried

Are You Listening?


I Love You More In Winter

To Dance With Her

The Visit

Fairy Tales for Today's Woman

And.......for many others, click the index image.

Graphics by Marilyn

© The featured image is a Swampetta original 'toon.