You know you’re a Geezer when…

You stopped getting ‘proofed’ for the Senior Citizen’s Discount.

You look for the “Blue Shampoo” for gray hair.

Your idea of a “Night Out” means you’re home by 10P.M.

Your idea of the “Best” seat in a restaurant is near the rest rooms.

The ‘comfortable waistband’ includes elastic.

Your purse/wallet has chronological layers like an archeological dig site.

You hear yourself starting sentences with…”Back when I was a kid…”

You respond to questions with “HAH?” or “WHAT?”

You can’t understand why your grandkids don’t walk to school when it’s only 3 miles away.

Your favorite grandkids are the ones who live the furthest away.

You feel entitled to pitch a fit if your socks are in the wrong SIDE of the drawer.

Your idea of ‘Cleaning out the closets’ means rearranging the ‘Fits’ and the ‘Used to fit’.

You have at least 25 pairs of unmatched socks that you won’t toss because you know the day you do,,,you’ll find the mates.

You have at least 2 drawers of nightclothes and undies with the tags still on,’Just in Case'

You buy X-mas and birthday gifts ahead of time and stash them away,,,,Never to be seen again.

You check the obituaries by age first and name second.

You reminisce with an old friend and they don’t remember it,,,,BUT,,,They DO remember a time or two that you completely forgot!

You know it’s going to be a great day when you wake up! Because…You woke up!

Your favorite foods are Mashed Potatoes...

You set up a ‘Fool-Proof’ system for your pills,,but you’re not sure if you took them before you set up the system?

The women take less time to do their hair and the men take more time with less hair.

You don’t want to join “The Red Hat Society” because you never did look good in purple.

You meet your nephew at a “Moose Lodge” meeting and realize that he IS old enough to drink!

You realize the “Dr. Leonard’s Healthcare Catalog” stopped sending the ‘Marital Aids’ section, but they added 4 pages of ‘Incontinent Supplies’. (Oh, THANKS!)

Your next birthday cake is a sheet cake that will feed 50 guests, but there are only 10 people at the party. (Candle space?)

Your next birthday party will be held at the local firehouse,,,’Just in case’.

Embrace your Geezerhood!!! At long last, you have the perfect excuse for your less than perfect behavior! Your kids will say, “What do you expect from such an old Geezer?”

Anything, my friends! You can expect ANYTHING!!!!

© By Swampetta (

'Toon by Swampetta.





Watch these pages for other poems by Swampetta.
In the meantime, click the links below for
poems and stories by our other authors.

All That I Am

An Ode To My Beloved

Trying To Communicate

What Would We Do Without Them?

Silver And Golden Memories


But I Can't Sing

Poetry Can Be

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