Wilbur Shagpatch was a source of advice,
As well as owning the general store.
No one with a problem had to ask twice,
For solutions, just walk through his front door.
He was also mayor of Gopher Gap,
And always assured of reelection,
Ever since he pushed through that low tax cap,
And arranged regular trash collection.
Next to the cash register, he would sit,
Ready to receive townfolks any time.
Have a problem? He was there to hear it,
And his advice wouldn’t cost you a dime.
Take, for example, Ned Smith’s dilemma,
Hearing that his wife was fooling around.
Wilbur said, “Buy rat poison for Emma,
And tell her it’s for the rat that she’s found.”
Heck, when Emma saw the look in Ned’s eye,
She repented without saying a word.
Ned never did learn the name of the guy,
But neither were any more rumors heard.
Gopher Gap’s bankers were the last to learn,
When one’s home foreclosure was imminent.
Wilbur would create work so folks could earn
Extra dough at jobs to which no one went.
If youngsters had thoughts about quitting school,
Parents would bring them in to visit Wilbur,
Who’d convince them they would be a darn fool,
Then ask them which new CD they’d prefer.
If he got wind of a family feud,
Where things seemed to be getting out of hand,
As charming mediator, he’d intrude,
Leaving all parties happy, as he planned.
Wilbur had a great deal of common sense,
And he’d learned from the mistakes in his past.
The mayor had pearls of wisdom to dispense -
Psychiatrists in Gopher Gap don’t last.
© By RickMack (Rmrickmack@aol.com)