You told me you loved me.


You lay with him.
His hands upon you.
And more
Because you wanted
But you told me you loved me.


To you, it was not a sin.
You were newly free.
In your mind there was nothing to forgive.
In mine, I trusted you.
Because you told me you loved me.


Your decision
Slashed a gaping, bleeding wound.
I could not sleep the night after you told me
But I loved you for your honesty
The questions kept coming.


To me, our love was a crystal clear pool.
Fed by the springs of pure love.
Deep: Able to see the tiniest pebbles at the bottom.
You threw putrid mud in that pool.
You dirtied it, sullied it, clouded it.
Made it smell.


The questions kept coming.
Because you told me you loved me.
The tears would not stop.
Because you told me you loved me.
The unbearable pain that had to be borne would not stop.
Because you told me you loved me.


So I got a pump for the pool.
To clean it of the filth by feeding from my pure spring
To find a way to make the pool clear again
Because you told me you loved me
Because after all the questions, I believed you
And I set the pump to work


In spite of the blood you caused to flow
In spite of the putrid mud
In spite of the pain


I asked myself if I truly loved you.
The answer was Yes.
I asked if I understood you.
The answer was I have to if love is to survive.
I asked if I could still trust you.
The answer was Yes
Because you told me you loved me.


So I put myself in your place
Because you were newly free
Despite the pain, despite the blood, despite myself
Because what is love if you cannot give and understand?
So I gave and understood.
And forgave


To forgive is supposed to be divine.
I am not a god.
But if I cannot forgive
I am not human.
Because you said you loved me
Because I love you


Though you thought
It was not a matter to be forgiven
If I did not forgive
If I did not understand
Love would be killed
There was no option
Not if I believed in the love
Not if I believed in you


You killed the trust
But that was my trust, not yours.
Not once did you kill
But again
And again
And again
I bore the unbearable pain that tried my soul
Because you told me you loved me


Because, deep down, I still trusted you.
I believed in you.
I believed in your heart of hearts.
I believed you were not, deep down, lying to me
When you said you loved me.


Its been a while.
The gaping wound has healed, though there is a scar.
The tears still come sometimes, unbidden, unseen by you
But the love I have for you has not died.
The pool is clear


Im glad I forgave you.
That we are still together
That I made the effort to understand you
That we can smile and laugh together


Because I love you
Because you said you love me
Nothing can be killed.

I believe.




By Pete Bolte (phbolte@comcast.net)










         

 

 






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Sitting On The Front Porch


The Almost Old Flame



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